Mixed Marriage
It is a son, not a
daughter, who continues the descent line.
Since the law was amended recently in Taiwan, the children are allowed to adopt their mother’s maiden name as their surname. But, it should be under an arrangement agreed by both parties, husband and wife.
Very good news is
that China unveiled “two-child policy” during a session of the National People’s
Congress Standing Committee yesterday, December 27th, 2015. This policy
is official from January 1st, 2016. China decided to allow two
children for every couple according to the newly revised Law on Population and
Family Planning. This policy gives a hope to a couple one more try if the first
born is not a boy.
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That is why son is
more important than daughter in a Chinese society when it comes to a family
line. In addition, a son is highly expected to bring honor to the family name.
It is not a daughter but a son who is required to ensure the continuity of family line
and to give the care of his parents.
However, there is
a fact that is very ironic and not likely to be duplicated in the West, or in
mainland China. Theoretically, a son is preferred and is then responsible for
taking care of his parents in Taiwan. In practice it is his wife, a
daughter-in-law, who actually takes care of her parents-in-laws. This role is quite demanding indeed.
Therefore, a married woman has more pressures in the private spheres to fulfill the roles of wife and mother. Besides, the responsibilities lay societal stress on the roles of not only being a wife and a mother but a docile daughter-in-law in elderly care of her in-laws. Beyond question, the married women are more stressed out, devoting themselves to playing their different roles.
Therefore, a son is generally allowed to take his education as far as he wants to with the support of his family no matter what kind of family he comes from.
THEN, he was a thirty-something, plain but healthy. He was not one of them who were lonely, old or disabled desperately to look for a woman. He just couldn’t find one who really wanted to spend her whole life with him, as a carpenter, and with his parents, of course. Since he couldn’t get what he needed here in Taiwan. He compromised with his parents on finding a foreign bride.
He wished he was not a rebound husband but the one his wife would love or at least like someday.
Waiting might be a better way for his children and his parents he believed.
Therefore, a married woman has more pressures in the private spheres to fulfill the roles of wife and mother. Besides, the responsibilities lay societal stress on the roles of not only being a wife and a mother but a docile daughter-in-law in elderly care of her in-laws. Beyond question, the married women are more stressed out, devoting themselves to playing their different roles.
One might say that
son preference seems not to prevail in Taiwan any more. But, why does this wedding
ceremony still exist that the bride should throw down “a fan” or “an umbrella”
on the ground before she gets on the car with the groom? It is because the pronunciation
of either “fan扇子” or “umbrella 傘” in Chinese is similar to “散”,which means to “separate from” her family after marriage. Generally, people
believe that daughters married out of the family are just like water poured out
(嫁出去的女兒像潑出去的水). What has done is done and can’t be
reversed.
Under patriarchal
order, strengthened by the Confucian legacy, parents are more willing to invest money in education for their sons than daughters when they cannot afford for
all their children. It is the time the parents often give priority to their sons.
Therefore, a son is generally allowed to take his education as far as he wants to with the support of his family no matter what kind of family he comes from.
In addition to all
of the above, it is the fate of a man certainly under the gender pressure to
get married and have his own children, his son/s.
If things are the way they are, here come some
questions:
How could a woman
be willingly to live with their parents-in-law if she can have an alternative
choice, not living with them?
How could a man
find his lover who loves him so much that she’d like to live with his parents after
marriage in the first place?
Why shouldn’t a couple have their own life without being bothered by in-laws until it is time, like
aging or illness, they are forced to face?
Why should a son follow in the footsteps of his father and give up what he really likes to be? It
is especially difficult for a city-woman to work in a farm or to be a fisherman’s
wife. It is just not their plan when they decided to marry.
Why should a woman live and be forced to deal with her mother-in-law just right after marriage? Won't the relationship between her and mother-in-law be a serious problem sooner or later? Everyone knows it is an undeniable and existing issue. Isn’t this that one she should try very hard to
avoid when she can?
Timing of marriage
Timing of marriage
Since a man carries on his responsibility to marry, timing of marriage is surely not a problem. But, aging
might have some impacts on how he works out well with his wife who must be young enough. Therefore, it should be better if he is not too old and her fertility is at its peak, of course.
As Newport declared that race has come to impact various aspects of people's lives, whether they are aware of it or not, one of which is definitely affected by race is marriage (Jacky Newport, IS INTERRACIAL MARRIAGE MORE LIKELY TO END IN DIVORCE? Featured Member Post, on March 18, 2015).
As Newport declared that race has come to impact various aspects of people's lives, whether they are aware of it or not, one of which is definitely affected by race is marriage (Jacky Newport, IS INTERRACIAL MARRIAGE MORE LIKELY TO END IN DIVORCE? Featured Member Post, on March 18, 2015).
Her article reveals a fact -- that the 2010 Census in the United States disclosed that interracial divorce rates were comparatively higher than divorce rates between "white couples.
That means that even an interracial couple who were born and grew up in the same country, America, could be very likely to end up a divorce unfortunately. Therefore, it seems to depend on "the same race" if one wants his/her marriage to stay possibly long and happily.
That means that even an interracial couple who were born and grew up in the same country, America, could be very likely to end up a divorce unfortunately. Therefore, it seems to depend on "the same race" if one wants his/her marriage to stay possibly long and happily.
How do mixed marriages work out in Taiwan?
Here the Vietnamese
spouses are discussed because they are in the majority of the whole immigrants. There were about
88,814 Vietnamese brides in 2011 (National Immigration Agency, March 1st,
2011). The percentage reached 40.35%, which was
much higher than those from Thailand, 13.86%, and Indonesia, 9.88% respectively
(Statistics Department of Ministry of the Interior, January 29th,
2014).
How did he meet his wife?
How did he meet his wife?
THEN, he was a thirty-something, plain but healthy. He was not one of them who were lonely, old or disabled desperately to look for a woman. He just couldn’t find one who really wanted to spend her whole life with him, as a carpenter, and with his parents, of course. Since he couldn’t get what he needed here in Taiwan. He compromised with his parents on finding a foreign bride.
Required by his parents especially his mother, he agreed to submit a personal profile based on his characteristics and some information of his job, salary and education background. It didn't take a week that the agent brought some matches with him. His parents and he chose some photos he
was interested in. Their names, ages and educational level also came with the
photos. He went to Vietnam and met some of them, one of whom he liked
most. She was so beautiful and only nineteen years old.
It was a surprise to
him that the girl accepted to have another meeting with him and also made a
contract with the agent. It just happened so quickly even though he didn’t know
why she was willingly to marry him, a stranger ten years older than she? Didn’t
she have a lot options to marry someone who was more handsome or richer than
he in Vietnam? Wasn’t she curious about what he really wanted? Was she prepared to be
a wife and a mother soon if everything was going well? He never asked and she
never told him “WHY.”
If he could find one
in Taiwan, why he had to pay NT$ 250,000 (about US$ 8,000 to US$ 10,000)
for documentation and a dowry for his
bride to be, excluding buying gold and diamonds for her, giving a promise to
offer a monthly allowance to her, and the cost for traveling and some other
expenses. His parents paid more than that. They helped her parents renovate
their house and gave them a lovely wedding banquet. It took almost 13 months to
bring his bride back to Taiwan after their first meeting and his traveling Vietnam five times.
Most of the time,
if the bride takes a dowry from the groom, she has to bring something of the
same value in return for that in Taiwan. That is our tradition.
Now, many men in
Taiwan find their Vietnamese brides. You might wonder what dowries foreign
brides might bring with them since the grooms already spend a lot of money for
their marriage and if they follow the Taiwanese tradition. But in this case – a
mixed-marriage, the bride herself is everything. Isn’t it enough being young
and pretty?
Divorce rates
It seems true that it is difficult to guarantee that a man might find love, let alone love of the long-lasting kind by this kind of arranged marriage. There is no one to blame, and it is he who happily spend almost his all savings through an agent (Ilaria Lonigro, October 30th , 2013).
How could a man so naïve that he believed that the woman who married to him could possibly and then consistently love him after a conditional arrangement and a money deal? Shouldn't he ignore and get rid of the thought "forever?"
It seems true that it is difficult to guarantee that a man might find love, let alone love of the long-lasting kind by this kind of arranged marriage. There is no one to blame, and it is he who happily spend almost his all savings through an agent (Ilaria Lonigro, October 30th , 2013).
How could a man so naïve that he believed that the woman who married to him could possibly and then consistently love him after a conditional arrangement and a money deal? Shouldn't he ignore and get rid of the thought "forever?"
He wished he was not a rebound husband but the one his wife would love or at least like someday.
His wife spent more
time texting messages to or chatting with others on the phone in Vietnamese in front of him than talking to
him. She went back to Vietnam more often and stayed longer
while his parents and he was looking after his children. The immediate
responses occurred only when his son texted his mother. He should have guessed
she was seeing someone in Vietnam, but he didn’t want to end this marriage.
Waiting might be a better way for his children and his parents he believed.
There were 32.80% out of 1,000 mix-married couples, who ended up a divorce. Those divorced wives were
from the countries of Southeastern Asia (Statistics Department of Ministry of
the Interior, 2011).
Do you want to know if there is an agency which runs interracial
matchmaking for a woman? Please google it and you will find out.
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