South Korea
has immensely high standards for beauty and apparently. In general, one out of
5 people are said to have gone under the knife (Soma Dutta, 11 Countries with
the Highest Plastic Surgery Rates in the World, Insidermonkey, May 26, 2015).
Then, it is obvious South Korea is one of the countries with the highest
plastic surgery rates in the world, where people have quite adopted the surgery
culture.
When you read this, you might make a quick conclusion that he/she is a no-brainer and claim that beauty is only skin-deep and it is shallow to focus on the physical appearance. I don’t agree with this argument because I’ve been there, being too plain to be categorized in the “decent,” and suffered a lot.
I wish I got that courage to do what should have been done long
time ago, like having a double eyelid surgery and a boob job
done or porcelain skin. I should have had a lot of
boyfriends if I gave it a try!
Anyway, I went through difficult times and unforgettable experiences because there was not a guy who was interested in talking to me or asking me out even for a drink. I never missed a blind date through a match maker, mutual friends, or relatives. I thought I could let a chance, which might even be slim, slipped out of my grip. My mother always complained it was my fault to pursue a PhD that scared most of men, and blamed my father, who supported me fully.
What could I do if I got plenty of time without going out on dates but studying? Academic achievement seemed the only thing was under my control and I could perfectly handle without bothering not to get great results. The match makers stopped visiting or calling my parents gradually after I was promoted to a full professor at the age of 40. I thought that marrying out was doomed to failure.
But, there is always a miracle, don’t you agree? Yes, I made
myself “complete,” a “wife” to a retired full professor and mothered my baby
last year.
How old I am you might wonder, and surely I’ll tell you the truth. I quite know how you react to this. It’s very likely you’d burst into laughs with tears and can’t wait to spread this over to whoever you could reach after you are informed of what I’m planning to do or while you’re reading this…
I am 47 years old. Yes, it means I gave birth to my baby daughter when I was 46. Was she health? Yes, she was and she is now even though she seems a little bit tiny, but she is very gorgeous and my precious truly. I can’t imagine how I could survive if anything wrong happens to her.
I took a maternity leave for looking after her. Am I worried about I only have the basic monthly pay, around NT$20,000? I am totally fine with that since my husband lives on his sound pension and he pays sometimes. Not all the time? No! But, I’ve earned what I’ve wanted and waited for such a long time. I’m happy what I am and appreciate what I got – I have my own family!
Tell you one more thing -- I couldn’t believe I could marry out when I sort of gave up after I turned 45. Who wants a 45 year-old bride? I was overwhelmed by the proposal my husband made. I tried not to cry out “Yes, please!” I was so pleased with the unbelievable -- that I didn’t end up a spinster, which my relatives called behind me.
What my daughter would do when she reaches her twenties and there must be one of her parents passes away or both if worse than this? If not, I’m sure we’ll be fragile one way or another. That is fate, isn’t it? I’ve thought about this and that is why I’m trying very hard to conceive again. CONCEIVE! You must disapprove of this crazy idea. I have my own reasons. I must increase my fertility, such as estrogen, under medication and painful injections.
There is nothing ethical wrong. My daughter needs a sibling it is beyond question if I can’t be with her for long enough. At the least, she has (she will I believe) a younger brother or sister around before she has her own family.
I admit it seems true that I’m not interested in sex, and the doctor told me it might be the coming of menopause. How could I let it occur to me before I might pregnant again I screamed loud in my mind? Of course, hopefully. However, I can’t be oblivious to my physical changes since I started to run a 24-7 mother and kind of housewife.
I wake up earlier than I suppose, easily disturbed by a small noise or a sound made by my baby in the cradle. My husband sleeps in the master room and I sleep in the comfy sofa with my daughter in her room. It was arranged this way because my husband said he has trouble going to back to sleep.
I
find I can’t get as much rest as I need. Most of the household chores fall to
me. What about my husband? He told me once he got a lot pressure from teaching
at university and couldn’t bear tensions as his doctor suggested. He’s formed
habits to exercise during the morning before breakfast for years. That is why it’s
also important for him to have a routine -- to exercise during the day and
sleep tight at night.
I understand he tries relaxation after retirement. Also I realized why he said I should be a good accompanist to him before marriage. A DINK couple I thought he might consider we’d turn out to be. He must believe I might lose fertility soon and that was why he never discussed with me about bringing up children. Besides, I thought it is nature for a woman to produce her next generation.
Now, I remember he also talked about looking forward to travelling overseas and trying at least once a luxurious cruise along the Mediterranean once we were on a date. Is he feeling he’s trapped in the awkward like this? He has an absolute right to have a tour with his colleagues he mentioned a couple weeks ago without the companions of me and our too young daughter around.
What about looking after the baby? It was my idea to have a baby and I promised it wouldn’t give him any trouble at all because I could carry this on my own. So… He does spend some time holding the baby or walking the tiny feet along the small backyard. Changing diapers or feeding baby food or milk is not his territory.
Right, he is more like an observer at the whole thing. He doesn’t like children, does he? He does, or did. He has two adult children and he paid the tuition and allowance before both of them graduated from graduate schools in America. The mutual friend said, who introduced both of us to each other, he is a wonderful father. It is a good thing, isn’t it? Then I pictured how he’d play with our children. Is he a widower? Nope, he just got divorced when he was in his early fifties. The reason is unknown because I never asked.
I do know as I age, I’ll experience changes in my skin and hair. It might be the lack of rest and sleep or be weighed down by kind of stress to deal all those things. I kind of face the loss of hair and fatty tissue and collagen. I try not to look at myself in front of the mirror.
And, am I still trying to have another baby? Am I selfish to do what I did or am doing you think? Please don’t judge it because this was my dream to be a married woman with my children since I was very little. And, I made it come true, didn’t I? Or it was my husband to make this happen.
Now,
you’re curious about the age of my husband, aren’t you? Last year he was 66. My
father is 71 and my mother is 69. One of my students ginned at me when he gave
a drawing to me – an elderly woman pushing two wheel chairs. For the twin???
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