From his
daughter
Dear
Papa,
I
thought I could talk to you just a few minutes before I left. But Mother told
me you stayed up and were sleeping. I quietly squeezed myself into the room and
had a look at you. Indeed, you seemed in a good sleep, snoring too. I came back
home to see you and Mother this weekend, but you didn’t come home for two
nights in a row until last night.
You
asked me once why I came home often. You said I should have my college life
more colorful and cheerful before graduation. I do understand what you meant,
really. But, how could I have happy-go-lucky days when I called home and I
found Mother is always alone at nights.
Don’t
you think it is you to be with Mother when your children are grown up? You
promised me to take Mother out once for a while. You broke your word, didn’t
you? You let me down and I have been hurt so long and feel very vulnerable
about nothing left I am able to fix.
I
still remember you told me I have to behave myself when I started my college. I
guaranteed I would and you said that promise is a debt. What now?
You
know Mother loves you so much and she has nothing but you. You have to care
about her. I do love her, but it is different. Don’t you think so? Don’t blame
Mother if I say what I said. How could you have a woman younger than me?
Have
you thought about what they will think about you if the relatives-in-law find
out? Wouldn’t you jeopardize my elder sister if her husband “had” an affair
too? What do you expect your son-in-law to have understanding and loyalty?
I
also know you love me very much and you are always on my side, but it is not
enough. Please spend time with Mother if you care what I really care. She
deserves this, doesn’t she? The money means nothing to her, who needs you. You
are her only friend I’m terribly sorry for her. She probably loves you more
than she does us. You are surely in the know of what she feels. She is often lost
in her thoughts, which are heavy burdens carrying on for decades.
Do
you know how hard it is for Mother to keep smile and calm in front of us to
have dinner with you when she feels a battle within herself to fight it back
not to argue with you for staying out all night with some other women? Don’t
you discern the traumas of Mother? You should! All her pride has been brutally taken
away after you had the first affair and she did not leave you.
What
if your son-in-law does only once the way you’ve been doing to have an affair?
Would you convince my sister to take her husband back without hesitation? And,
what if he repeats this vicious circle?
I
shouldn’t write you this I know, but I should I think. Please forgive me if I
say the truth and it makes you furious at me. I don’t think it matters but
think about Mother, please.
your youngest daughter
A rebellious and
disobedient daughter
He
tastes young and beautiful women and “young” is a must, like a lady trying to
go through the shoes before she chooses a right pair. He is a good looking guy.
He feels comfortable opening up to pretty women other than his wife. Why? He doesn’t
consider it but just lets it be the way. What about his wife? How could she not
be hurt when she finds his betrayals? He hasn’t taken it serious. What does “it”
mean? Yes, an affair or all those affairs.
He
knows his wife is there always for him no matter what he does. Why? She loves
him, her love forever, and
won’t leave him. She didn’t even keep her surname after marriage like other
married women in Taiwan.
His
wife believes that youths have their own way of doing things, and he will be
old and mature to make a change. He is not sure about that. Reading one’s mind might
be the single advantage of aging. It’s so sad that she waits until her later
years to figure that out – her husband seems to be a guy with very
young-thinking and time does nothing to touch his mind at all.
Did I have a
choice in being born?
Her
parents, especially her father, have been extravagant gift givers, but she
doesn’t really want them. They consider she should be happy about what she has,
but there is always an open wound which would never heal. She wishes there
might be a slight change of relationship between her parents, and that is what
she desperately wants.
Having
an affair sure is pointless if his father loses his family she thinks. It’s inexcusable
behavior, is it? He has reached fifty, but there is nothing grandfatherly about
him, who her elder sister’s son likes to run after. Isn’t her father equipped with
an ability to learn from the mistakes he’s made to sleep and have affairs with
those women? The ages of his women always stay roughly the same between 25 and
30 without thinking he is getting old. Doesn’t he notice somehow he is not a
good looking young man anymore but one with the pot belly and a plus -- a fat bank
account?
She
couldn’t believe what she was told – her mother looked after one of his
mistresses at the hospital after a suicidal attempt. What an unforgivable
insult to her mother it was and her mother did not complain about it but fulfilled
her father’s needs because of saving him from losing his reputation and career.
Can’t
her father give it a thought that her mother expects a little loyalty in return?
There is no tenderness, no concern and no relief in the overwhelmed mind of her
mother as she tentatively stared at her mother when she was listening. She is too
young to read the empty feeling how her mother feels after endless infidelities
her mother has suffered from. What she can do is to give her mother something uplifting
to think about or just accompanies her.
Every
time she goes home, she has a hope that her parents are happily together after scandalous
affairs have occurred as she prays every day since she was very young. But, her
prayers have been answered cruelly, and she brings sorrows back to school. On
the train, she tries to cry without making a sound but let the tears well up in
her eyes and wipes them.
This
occurs at least three times every month for three years when she studies at
university. It always takes hard work for her to take a breath to regain her composure
and keep looking as good as she does after she arrives at the dorm.
She
keeps this to herself without leaking a word to anyone, including her good
friends. It is a shame, isn’t it? Her determination keeps her from speaking her
mind.
She’d
give up wealth if she could make a choice between family harmony even with a delightful
heavy of making money and wealth to spend without a second thought. However, she has
a weird feeling about if there’s a way forward for her parents. Will her mother
finally gives up the hopeless marriage? Will her father eventually find his
true love and leave them behind?
She
keeps herself so busy that she doesn’t have time to think about what happens at
home. Now, she is love struck, but she hasn’t learned how to make the
relationship more palatable for each other. She is afraid of it might go deep
down or that might be short lived.
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