Match
They
met through a mutual friend. She had a crush
on him at the first sight, who was a man of influence and talents. She
remembered what he told her. Those sweet words still stayed with her even the
years passed. He often said that she was very sincere, looked younger than her years and was not
that kind of women to flirt back with guys. He was proud of having her to be his
wife.
Infertility
Infertility
She
was dumbfounded by the announcement that she was unable to conceive a baby
because of her ovary. The seed of suspicion of the infertility never occurred in
her mind. However, there should be a chance even though it was very slim to carry
a baby as they were told. It was a huge torment she suffered from since then.
After continuous various treatments, she was very disappointed and then depressed to learn the
chance she could get pregnant was less than good as she had been informed of. Her
husband convinced her that he didn’t want her to feel obligated and they could
visit more doctors here or even in the States to find a surrogate mother,
illegal to conduct in Taiwan. How could they find a surrogate mother if she
couldn’t provide with eggs from her ovary?
A
woman of infertility was indeed like a barren field growing nothing she
overheard her mother-in-law and sisters-in-law were whispering in the kitchen
on Daughter's Day, Lunar January 2nd when married daughters bring their family to visit
their parents in Taiwan. Her mother-in-law stopped
visiting them and calling her. But, she was aware of it that her husband met his mother
once for a while without telling her.
In her naivety, she had believed that her husband would have cherished her no matter what happened to them. There was a vague shift in their relationship. It was getting worse that she truly felt the love between them was wearing off. She became more pensive and thought so little of herself. She shook that thought to divorce him as the days went by. She was weighted down with the expectation of having a baby. It was crystal clear that nothing between them seemed within her grip in her marriage. It seemed there’s nothing in it for her to gain.
In her naivety, she had believed that her husband would have cherished her no matter what happened to them. There was a vague shift in their relationship. It was getting worse that she truly felt the love between them was wearing off. She became more pensive and thought so little of herself. She shook that thought to divorce him as the days went by. She was weighted down with the expectation of having a baby. It was crystal clear that nothing between them seemed within her grip in her marriage. It seemed there’s nothing in it for her to gain.
Her emotion of anxiety was
increasing and the creeping feeling of despair emerged from the ceaseless
thoughts at those fitful nights. However, she did have the memories to treasure
being with her husband within her heart and couldn’t move on but stayed in the
marriage.
She kept mostly to herself.
She was thinking about slowing down and taking on help. Matter-of-factly she desperately needed
a consult to get it off her mind. She called her elder sister in the States and
begged her sister not to tell her parents about what she unveiled.
Pregnancy
She went to the States twice
in half a year to get things ready. She thought it was a hope to
cling to when there was nothing else but despair. Her sister and brother-in-law were willingly to help
her and it was a matter of luck having the same blood types.
She
reached and picked up the stick, which both of them were staring at. Two
parallel lines appeared. It couldn’t help
that they burst out crying. He broke out in a big smile, couldn’t stop kissing
her and screamed it was a miracle. She felt excited but anxiety stricken followed. He was
relieved and in a hilarious state about it. The limb of his family tree wouldn’t
end with him and called his mother.
He
felt like his heart pounding on his heart, beating fast and his mouth got dry
when he announced this wonderful news. It was the hope and the moment his
family and he were looking forward to for such a long time.
The
uncomfortable feelings of being vomiting and light-headed never bothered her.
Sometimes she took shallow breaths to fight off her nausea. She said they were
trivial when her husband wanted to take her to see a doctor. She was physically
and emotionally exhausted most of the time during the pregnancy.
Her
mother-in-law gave her a full rest, making the meals and even bathing the baby
every day for a whole month. Her mother-in-law insisted on following the
traditions to look after her at least a month and also spend all the cost of
the cakes and red boiled eggs celebrating the new-born baby with their friends
and relatives like most people would do when the baby was one-month old.
The untold
She
never had a vicious intention to break their marriage vows – she was supposed
to be loyal to her husband. Indeed, she used to be moral and ethical. But, it
hadn’t been attempted that her quest to uncover the truth might lead her into
life-altering risk in the exceptional condition to have a baby not belonged to
him.
The
burden of keeping a secret was never dropped as the unbearable guilt in her
heart came and went. It would never go away she had known when she decided to
take a risk. She lived with it, a lifetime of agony or happiness depending on
how she looked at it she forced herself to think in this way.
Whenever
her husband stared at the baby with goofy smiles, she was hurt. When he
delivered his gratefulness of her efforts to keep the family line for him, she
was quiet. She wondered if this was what she wanted.
Would
she have accused her husband if the situation had been reversed? She did not believe
she would. Were there fundamental differences about marriage both of them
overlooked? She always considered having a child is a fabulous gift from a
marriage but not an intention towards marriage.
But, she had to try harder to block the feeling of guilt at what she had done. There should be a faith that could ease her uneasiness she believed for the ones she dearly loved and herself.
